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I was recently accused of not thinking before I act this is nothing new in fact this is the way I have operated since I was 5 when I almost licked a car cigarette lighter. Thankfully I touched it with my finger first. This sort of lifestyle has gotten me into trouble many employers, girlfriends, and parents through out the years. Now if I were as Ego-centric as I have been made out to be this wouldn't bother me but I carry guilt like luggage. In still feel guilty about things that I did in elementary school for Christ-sakes I'm a mess.
I have always said that I don't care what people say or think when it comes to their opinion of me but if that were I wouldn't own a comb, the same goes for anyone who says that, except for the guys you see on the beach wearing a Speedo with a huge beer gut and enough back hair to make a small rug. Those are the people who could careless what people think. I've chosen a career based on what people think and feel, a certain amount of my self-worth is based in the opinions of others. THIS IS NOT the behavior of a normal person. CPA's and Gas station attendants do not live this way( don't post that isn't true you smarmy bastards). Some of them may, but it is not par for the course. Acting REQUIRES you to be empathic if you are disconnected from others then you are not acting you are pretending and F you! So the choice becomes do you tune those voices out? Or do you go on living an emotional roller coaster based on empathy? I have the unenviable position of being starved for attention and therefore seek others out the choice is pretty clear.
After a long night of introspection I thought that I had found the cause of my need for attention and affection. I had abandonment issues stemming from a traumatic event in my life around the time that I was 9 (maybe I'll get into that later). My mother quickly shot that down saying that I had attention issues from the time I was an infant. Great I'm genetically predisposed to being an attention monger. That really puts a damper on my not believing in fate.
