"We can be friends" and other lies

I have never maintained a relationship of any sort after a break up. Polite is about all I can manage. When a relationship is over it is as though that person has died. I'll miss em' but it's time to move on. Whenever I see them it's every bit as frightening as seeing a ghost. You can at least call Bill Murray and force her into a box using electric licorice whips. (A Ghostbuster reference.)

Once the decision has been made to part ways, that's all she wrote and it's almost always mutual. There is nothing left to say. When you quit your job in high school you didn't go back and try to ring people up at Target.

Relationships (if done properly) should be filled with passion & intensity and the break up should be just as passionate and intense as the relationship. Lets part friends BULLSHIT! Somebody's been hurt, and that makes it ugly! You can't be friends with someone you've loved and then broken up with. You can't turn it on and off like a light, from"I love you." to "Were cool." doesn't work. If you've done that one of two things is at work here

1. You didn't care that much in the first place.

2. YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF.

Here is a similar thought by someone more articulate and more rational than myself.

Don't worry I hate your Job too.

It's the moments when my job goes really well that makes me realise how much I truly hate it. When everything goes as it should. Everyone is polite, I've got a smile on my face and a sense of accomplishment in my heart. That when it hits me...DAMN IT! Why can't everyday be like this ? Why can't I be in love with my job everyday, instead of looking forward to driving home and drinking a High Life (yeah, at the same time don't judge me, you prick!) Where is that feeling when you think "Maybe if I drink the toner from the copier I'll at least get to leave early even if it is in an ambulance."

I'd be happy with loving my job once a week. Twice a week would be awesome. I'm not some greedy A-hole, I'm reasonable, I'd settle for once a month, but it's been maybe once a year TOPS.

Don't get me wrong I've had worse jobs than this, at least I'm inside and no one is actively out to screw me over, and I haven't felt the urge to jerk the wheel into oncoming traffic yet this year... but it's early yet.

I heart animals

SAM R.I.P
I am by all accounts an animal lover. I have been treated several times in various hospitals for animal rescuing or pet allergy related things. I just can't help it. I wouldn't go so far as to become a vegan because I believe that animal rights only go so far. Parrots shouldn't get the vote and F--- spiders all of them. But even I having to get several Tetnus shots over the years and having officiated a pigeon funeral (for real) Iwould kick this dog! DAMN! If you saw this thing under your bed you would die.

Law and Odor

I came across this site entirely by accident once I started clicking around I realised that my friend Matt had commissioned a painting (Jimmy Stuart Breakdancing) from Brandon Bird he never delivered though, I was never quite sure why (not like I need to be)

I personally don't like Law and Order, as a T.V. show not as a concept, this makes me stand out in my family and house hold , I'm sure that as I write this my girlfriend and possibly my father are watching it, in seperate homes!

So please check this out you won't be disapointed. The Law and Order Coloring book

See girls can be stupid too!

This is proof that it's not always the guys that do stupid shit

LMAO is for illeterate losers...

But it would describe the following quite well this is the best of a feature article in the online news letter Kitten Pants. try and read it all without cracking a smile.

That's Entertainment!
by Uncle Sloppy, kittenpants, Corn Mo


THE CHARLES BRONSON SHOW
This Oprah-style talk show focuses mainly on women's issues, and is hosted by everybody's favorite lovable grouch, Charles Bronson. Regular features like “self breast examinations”, “coping with menopause”, “how to deal with an abusive spouse”, and the "Death Wish Book Club" make this new show “must see TV” for the housewife or mother who cares. It’s important subject matter for every woman, and every Charles Bronson fan.

This week: Psychologist Sgt. Chas Axelrod, USMC, counsels an abused 45-year-old homemaker from Stockton, CA. Plus, easy recipes for the single mom on the go. Death Wish Book Club selections: WILL by G. Gordon Liddy, MEIN KAMPF, by Adolph Hitler, and HEARTBURN by Nora Ephron.

SHIRT AND PANTS
An hour-long drama created by Law and Order’s Dick Wolf. The first half of the show revolves around shirts (Who’s wearing them? What color are they?), while the last half gives the audience the pant’s perspective (Who’s not wearing them? How does this relate to shirts?).

SOUTH AMERICAN WILDERNESS KINDERGARTEN
A new adventure/children’s show filmed live at a daycare in the jungles of Bolivia. It centers around a group of nine-year-olds who are taught the ABCs of learning by a pack of wild boars, three boa constrictors, a rogue jackal, and four rather large, carnivorous baboons. The focus is on fun as these kids learn how to read, and how to disguise one’s self as a shrub to avoid being devoured alive by an instructor.

This Week: the class improves basic math skills by counting the pieces left of little Jimmy’s torso after he is “punished” for stealing berries from Principal Koko.

THE MASTURBATING CHEF (now on MH's FOOD channel)
A hot new British import on PBS—this cooking show features England’s most renowned chef, Lindsay Wyman, doing what he does best: cooking traditional English dishes, then masturbating in them.

This Week: Chef Wyman lovingly prepares an old-fashioned Shepherd’s pie, masturbates in it, and serves it to the studio audience. Nobody can tell the difference.

SHIRTS AND PANTS: SVU
Dick Wolf does it again! This show delves further into the lives, loves, and the harsh reality of New York City’s heroic clothing separates. You could say Wolf has covered this topic top to bottom!

THE BYE-BYE ROOM
A children’s show where toddlers are lured into a secret room, shot through the head with a bolt thrower, and ground up to make dog food. Hosted by Regis Philbin and Alf.

This week: the Henderson triplets become the Henderson twins, with hilarious results.

THE OUTLAW FINGERBANG JONES
A western series about a silent drifter who travels from town to town fighting bandits and delivering his own brand of “justice” in the form of the fastest fingerbang in the West.

This Week: after killing the men who shot her husband, our hero fingerbangs Old Widow Jenkins till the cows cum home.

AFTER SCHOOL SPECIALS:
“The Trouble with Retards”
“Two French Buddies Get Real”
“Patches: the Torture Dog”
“Shattered Dreams, Broken Hearts, and Tender Taints”
“ZOO WORLD!!”
“Larry and Toby and Judy and Kate and the Neighborhood Mongoloid”
“City Bitches”
“WHY?!! The Peter Allen Story”
“The Bill Cosby Death Squad Variety Hour”
“Daddy, Help Me Learn to Have an Orgasm”
“Sid and Marty Kroft present: H.R. Rapingstuff’s Tree House of Shame”

ANGEL DUST DAVE’S YANKEE WORKSHOP
Vietnam vet and Angel Dust addict, Dave Simmons, builds trophy cases using wood from his yard, then smashes them with his face after smoking Angel Dust.

This Week: Guest star Scott Baio runs for his life after accidentally spilling paint thinner on Dave’s stash.

CHOOSTER
A half-chicken/half-rooster lone gunman offers vigilante justice to the people he meets while searching for the scientists who created him.

This week: Chooster stumbles upon an abandoned child, reunites him with his mother, and fucks the living shit out of her Thanksgiving entrée.

Who the Fuck Are You?
A kooky "Brit-com" about 3 London flatmates who live next door to a chemical plant. The fumes have eroded their short-term memory causing them to constantly scare the shit out of one another when they enter the living room, and prompting the enormously popular catch-phrase "Who the fuck are you?!!"

This week: Shirley walks in on Clive having sex with Wendy on the couch. Not recognizing Clive, Shirley mistakes him for a rapist and stabs him to death with a fingernail file. She and Wendy eventually find a new roommate, then immediately forget who he is, and all is back to "normal".

Goth Jeopardy
A new twist on an old classic: Host Peter Murphy quizzes Hot Topic employees on trivia related to the music, fashion, and lifestyle of the irrepressible Goth subculture.

This week: Kat, a 19-year-old body piercing enthusiast is disqualified when she forgets to phrase the answer "Sisters of Mercy" in the form of a question.

Shit Or Get Off the Pot
Succumbing to America's love for the "extreme" game show, we've developed this exciting new twist: contestants are forced to answer questions about science, history, and the arts, while simultaneously moving their bowels. Set atop a specially constructed electrified chrome and plexiglass toilet, the stress is magnified by the loaded revolver being held at their head by an autistic 11-year-old with Tourette's Syndrome, as well as the giant scorpions crawling on their exposed genitalia. Points are deducted for wrong answers and "false alarms". Hosted by Peter Graves.

This week: University of Wisconsin quarterback Flip Miller gets 500 bonus points for timing his explosive diarrhea to coincide with his answer "Cuban Missile Crisis".

"UNCLE FRIEND"
Jessica is being "raised" by a single "mom". In this half-hour dramedy, we watch 12-year-old Jessica come of age as she is introduced to an endless string of her mother's boyfriends. Special "Uncle" appearances by Scott Baio, William Shatner, Warwick Davis and Conan O'Brien.

"BLOW-JOB CAFE"
A live one-hour musical variety show set in a kooky diner staffed by deranged, sex-addicted Vietnam vets. Each musical number and/or comedy routine is followed by a real live blow-job. This week's episode: Special guest Donny Most gets stabbed while trying to keep Staff Sergeant Rick Jones from giving him a blow-job.

Madison Ave.

We need a return to this kind of advertising immediately! Think of the endless opportunities missed for marring racism and Advertising especially post 911 ... 4 more years! 4 more years!

It's been along time...

Let me start off by making excuses.

I am unable for whatever reason to post entries from home, I can do it but I can't really edit them, and as you know loyal reader my spelling is terrible! Now that I'm back teaching again I have access to a computer that I can edit from so I'll be starting up the old blog again. I'm sorry that I've been away so long. That being said let's charge into the latest...

George Bush doesn't care about black people?

I don't think so.

George Bush doesn't care about any people.

If so he wouldn't be cutting funding to programs like FEMA and thumb his nose @the Kyoto accord. Global Warming is part of the reason that New Orleans is under water in the first place.

Maybe Dub-yuh is actually an Evil Genius (bear with me) I know he's evil but this is seriously a plot straight out of Flash Gordon.

Fade in (interior Deep within the hidden volcano HQ of W in Crawford Texas)

W: At last my plan has come to fruition the price of oil is very high indeed.

Soon I will invade Iraq and control the oil fields bringing the human race to it's knees and making me the most powerful man in the world!

(enter: Jack booted lacky wearing an all leather cowboy outfit with the word Lasso emblazoned across his chest in white letters)

W: Who dares interrupt me in this my finest hour!

Lasso: All hail W, I bring news of a fantastic treasure found by one of your agents buried under the town of New Orleans.

W: New Orleans? Dispatch the Army immediately! Use as much force as is necessary, kill as many as possible. Let them quake at the name W!

(a dark figure emerges from the shadows, troll like in it's appearance)

Mysterious Figure: An excellent plan indeed "W" but a bit showy don't you think? Perhaps there is a better, quieter way. We can still crush them and take the treasure for ourselves.

W: Cheney? My God! I'd heard legends of you from my Father but I never believed you were anything more than a boogy man.

Lasso: The women in my village used to threaten ill behaved children with your presence saying that you lurked beneath their beds.

Cheney: W, I can give you the Power of Cesar but the love of Reagan.

W: But how?

Cheney: We use your beloved fossil fuels, create a device called the H2 earth fu*ker and raise the temperature of the Earth and raise the water level... Then we wait.

W: But won't people look to me to (gulp) do something?

Cheney: Cut your funding to programs that will help people then start a war to distract them. Then we WAIT... ha ha ha ha !

The funniest new show not on TV

When I was in LA I met a guy named Jack Rida a very cool guy who let me tag along with him. He's got a show on Channel 102.com It's called Jesus Christ Supercop. Check it out it's Hilarious!!!

6 things I hate...About myself

1. My feet They hurt constantly not like "Ow they're sore." more like " Damn it did I brake all my toes in my sleep?"

2. My bad memory I can not remember anything I'm not sure how many unnecessary miles have been tread from one room to another trying to figure out, what I'm looking for, if I'm looking for something at all, and why the hell am I in this room in the first place? I write notes and forget where I put them. I once owed a guy ten bucks and he got me to repay him that same 10 bucks (no shit) 5 times.

3. My weight Over the past winter I have become a big fat bastard AGAIN. Partly due to the fact that I wasn't able to run inside because I don't belong to a gym, and It was too damn cold outside I also just got Damn lazy. See also # 1.

4. My car It's great don't get me wrong, I just can't afford it. Basically I had a great job when I bought it and didn't listen to anyone's advice about buying a used car for less money and the thing has hung around my neck like an albatross ever since.

5. My Parents I wasn't born rich and I'll never forgive them.

6. My bad memo...DAMN IT

Local Self Storage Facility A Museum of personal Failure

I'm sure that one day my parents can open one of their own in their basement. But maybe one day Garden City will be like Fairmont Indiana and they'll close down the municipal airport to honor me! Just like James Dean...One day.

Here is the onion article . "Local Self Storage Facility A Museum of personal Failure"

Who are you calling a Geek? Oh...Me

I've been catching a lot of flack lately about being a dork, I like Comics I'm into improv (big boy pretend) and I watch the Discovery channel, a lot. Blow me! I'd like to think of myself as that lovable glasses wearing cool, geek chic guy, who lurks in vintage record stores and reads books, and enjoys music that's outside the mainstream, and who's idols are people you've never heard of. Unfortunately I don't think I'm him. I never learned to play the guitar, that guy would know how to play the guitar. Also I think a lot of the independent local scene kind of sucks and my idols are all famous for something.
I've never been able to get the people who try so hard to be different for it's own sake they are just as bad as the people who are desperately trying to fit in. You're either different or your not. Like being Spanish.

Are you a geek? Well how big of one are you? I'm in the 21.1 percentile according to this test

Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh!

.
Did I mention that I'm at Joey's Comedy club A LOT!

Paper Heros

I have a lot of completely fictional icons that I look up to like Darth Vader and Jesus... but these two lovable scamps take the cake, they're violent gin swilling spokesmen for a generation check 'em out!

click here

These two go on hate fueld rampages that frankly make me jelous.

They're not in it for truth Justice or the American way, they just want to smash the things that piss them off.

Oh man...

Things I have done in the past week that have made me want to get punched in the face instead of doing.

1. Did a show where I roasted a rich woman on her birthday and was forced contractually not to be offensive.

2. I did Karoke in the cafeteria of a retirement home.

3. Got lost in Wyandotte looking for a place in River Rouge (It was like a scene in Robo-cop)

4. Went to camp for three days with 150 5th graders and got bus sick.

5. Did the late show at Dave and Busters and did a scene about ESPN's coverage of the World Masturbation Finals.

When I was young...And Stupid

We tend to make similar mistakes when we are too young to be cool as well as when were to old. Such a large part of the human experience at least in America is trying to be cool. Kids will pick up on things from older brothers, sisters and even adults and adopt that as their own sense of cool. How else can you explain Goth Elementary schoolers? Inevitably they end up NOT getting it and what ever slang or pop culture reference they are attempting to interject they end up misusing, sounding like a total idiot to anyone who is savy enough to figure it out. Like the kindergartener who keeps saying Some-of-a-bitch or for even more evidence of this ask me about the "You wanna Blowjob?!" story.
Today I was teaching a math class and told the kids to open up their books to page 320 (Three-twenty) This was accompanied by a smattering of giggles, some whispering and then some more giggles. This is usually the kind of behavior that comes after the mention of sperm whale or something along those lines so this time I was left scratching my head. So I pulled one of the kids aside and asked what was the big deal about 3-20? They looked at me a bit freaked out and said uhh... You know like marijuana. Wow 50cent is gonna have to try a lot harder, to get through to these kids.
This phenomenon is not exclusive to the elementary/middle school set it has been witnessed by anyone who has worked in any hip retail clothing establishment and had a button down 3o and up come in to get an outfit for "Going to the club with some friends" You know the guy who is way into whatever look is popular at the time but is WAY WAY overdoing it, or the middle aged guy in the office who way tossing around " For shizzle my nizzle" not realizing that he was calling Phil from accounts payable the "N"-word. There are two shining examples of this in my building. One the Gym teacher who dresses in head to toe in shady wear, white guy late 30's, and the English teacher who wears the tight miniskirts and bows in her hair, PUSHING 60. Dude. Being cool is easy there are men and women that are well into they're 70's who have kept their cool.
Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman, Lauren Bacall,and Loretta Lynn JOHNNY F-ing CASH!
Cool not hip.
Miles Davis knew it and Sammy Davis didn't THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING. The window for being hip is similar to that of learning a foreign language it only stays open for so long and then it becomes more and more difficult until it eventually becomes impossible.

Are you there God? It's me, Chong.

There are two kinds of people in this world those who mock religion and those who mock religion with out doing it on purpose. As we all know Christianity is just one big joke that was pulled a few years ago by this practical joker "Jesus" and no one has caught on yet. Don't believe me that religion is a sham? Scientology was started on a bet, no shit check your facts... ANY-WHO like I was saying. There are people who really feel like they are doing the right thing and trying to make religion hip and accessible but it is by it's very nature UNHIP. In fact so is the term unhip.
I used to be friends who would go to these church retreats and come back spouting this new dogma and how great it was to be around people who thought the same way she did. I had another friend who would go to these Acid related retreats and would say the same thing. COINCIDENCE? I think not.

Some people are into drugs some people are into "god" same thing neither one are based in reality.

Here is the link that inspired that little rant that both types of addicts will enjoy! The Brick Testament

Why waste my time reading this stupid blog?

There are alot of things you could be doing.
* Reading a book
* Writing a book
* Burning a book
* Checking a book out of the library
* Any number of book related activities

So why are you still here?
* It's more entertaining than work.
* Joe guilted me into checking out his blog.
* I'm writing an article on dorks.
* I'm related.
Maybe it's because of links like this...

Hey "Mad at the World" readers its me Aniki.. Darth Vader, I know as a kid you were probably afraid of me, but after these most recent films you've probably come to realize that under my hard cool exterior there's just a big whiney pussy. Like many whiney pussies I have my own Blog! Check it out

There is about to be one hell of a fight once they realize they're in the same room together!

This is a scenario dreamed up by a 4th grade Joe Davis.

A Klingon Storm trooper Death match in a real hotel convention hall!!!

Quinton Terrantino and the Legion of Doom

There is a lot of porn on this sight. You've been warned. All of that aside If you are a Superhero geek and a Resovior Dogs Geek you'll LOVE this.

Dear Reader...

My apologies to you loyal reader of Mad at the World lately my life has stood in the way of my duties as owner, proprietor of this blog as for that I am sorry. I am continually surprised at how far my influence and that of my blog reach. I'll get e-mails from time to time that are mournfully that I don't contribute more often or that my opinions are "Way off base" but imagine when someone actually took one of my posts to heart.

The Post entitled One by one... posted 3/9 where I proposed that when anyone who was influential and kids might see as "COOL" offs themselves someone of less cultural value should be killed to balance things out. This was a real pipe dream like my plan to end racism as we know it. (for another time) I was stunned that someone actually acted out my plan .


Mitch Hedberg Dies at 37 Pope Johnny the duce Dead at 84




Coincidence?

We here at Mad at the World know the truth.

Special thanks to Pope John Paul II for keeping the dream alive!

Down by Law

I was recently accused of not thinking before I act this is nothing new in fact this is the way I have operated since I was 5 when I almost licked a car cigarette lighter. Thankfully I touched it with my finger first. This sort of lifestyle has gotten me into trouble many employers, girlfriends, and parents through out the years. Now if I were as Ego-centric as I have been made out to be this wouldn't bother me but I carry guilt like luggage. In still feel guilty about things that I did in elementary school for Christ-sakes I'm a mess.

I have always said that I don't care what people say or think when it comes to their opinion of me but if that were I wouldn't own a comb, the same goes for anyone who says that, except for the guys you see on the beach wearing a Speedo with a huge beer gut and enough back hair to make a small rug. Those are the people who could careless what people think. I've chosen a career based on what people think and feel, a certain amount of my self-worth is based in the opinions of others. THIS IS NOT the behavior of a normal person. CPA's and Gas station attendants do not live this way( don't post that isn't true you smarmy bastards). Some of them may, but it is not par for the course. Acting REQUIRES you to be empathic if you are disconnected from others then you are not acting you are pretending and F you! So the choice becomes do you tune those voices out? Or do you go on living an emotional roller coaster based on empathy? I have the unenviable position of being starved for attention and therefore seek others out the choice is pretty clear.
After a long night of introspection I thought that I had found the cause of my need for attention and affection. I had abandonment issues stemming from a traumatic event in my life around the time that I was 9 (maybe I'll get into that later). My mother quickly shot that down saying that I had attention issues from the time I was an infant. Great I'm genetically predisposed to being an attention monger. That really puts a damper on my not believing in fate.

One by one...

Late last month a legend and one of my personal idols Hunter S. Thompson snuffed his own candle almost a year to the day that they found the drown corpse of Spaulding Gray another immencly talented and emotionally screwed up icon. Why do the best always seem to do themselves in? Do marginally talented people with little to contribute to the cultural landscape kill themselves in a dramatic matter and we just don't hear about it? I'm begining to loose faith in my personal heros does all that talent just become too much to handle?

It only seems to be the really talented ones who kill themselves. So here is my purposal in order for people like me and the impressonable children of the world not to think that we should follow suit everytime on of orr icons kills themselves. Every time a cultural titan dies at their own hand... a less talented celebrity must also take their life to counter act the loss.
Example.

Kurt Cobain+Shot gun blast= Copy cat fans killing selves

Kurt Cobain+ Shotgun blast \ Michael Hutchence+ belt =

Cobain fans not wanting to be mistaken for INXS fans in their deaths

For the deaths of Hunter and Spaulding I call for the immediate suicides of Marlon Wayans & Jackie Collins!

Family Matters

For those of you who don't know my mother's name is LaDonna Davis, and my name is of course Joe. It was very surprising to hear about the tragic Chimp attack the other day in California involving our sound-a-likes.
Here is the first paragraph of the story as published in the Seattle Times. The parts that are alarmingly true to my real life are in bold.

HAVILAH, Calif. St. James and LaDonna Davis raised Moe the chimp as their son. That was the word they used to describe him, and that was how they treated him like a hairy, rambunctious child who was a pampered member of the family.
They taught him to wear clothes, to take showers, to use the toilet and to watch TV in their West Covina home.
On Thursday, the day they marked as Moe's 39th birthday, their love for the chimp nearly cost them their lives.
The Davises were visiting Moe at an animal sanctuary in eastern Kern County where he had been banished in 1999 after biting a woman when they were attacked by two other chimps and brutally mauled. the rest of the story

Please stand by my family during this difficult time.

Why the gaps?

I've been really F-ing sick lately and I have been missing a lot of work so the blog has suffered I apologize please bear with me and we'll make it through this together. To tide you over please read (I didn't) and enjoy these glowing reviews of Kathy Lee Gifford's book "Gentle Grace" originally published on www.Amazon.com


A precious book from a tremendous talent..., May 8, 2004 Reviewer: A readerKathie Lee's "Gentle Grace" is a beautiful work of inspiration and hope...it is a companion to her fabulous CD by the same name. They go hand-in-hand to share with others the tremendous faith Mrs. Gifford has. Both of these items are truly a blessing.
Kathie Lee has always been a talented, special celebrity but first and foremost she is a woman dedicated to the Lord, to her faith, family and friends. She's a super role model for all of us.
I highly recommend this book and also the companion CD!

inspiring..., June 22, 2004
Reviewer:
Kathy Bennett "the village people" (The South, USA) - See all my reviews This is the companion to the CD Gentle Grace and it is a nice devotional book to use either while listening to the CD or alone. It speaks volumes...Kathie Lee is truly an inspiration with the way she channels her talent into helping others. Her proceeds for this project and the CD go to help children's charities and that is admirable.
I love my copy of both the CD and the book and highly recommend them both.

I was an 8th grade Rock star...

Ever see the movie School of Rock? Not a whole lot of people know this but it was loosely based on my life, not like High Fidelity which is actually based on my life. When it came out the kids were stopping me in the hall and saying "Hey Mr. Davis they made a movie about you!" It is a little known fact that at the age of 26 I was an 8th grade Rock Star.
See what happen was I was boozeled by a clever young 8th grader named Brian, he knew that I used to sing in a band, because when he walked into a shop class I was subbing for wearing a Ramones T-shirt we started talking about music. I asked him if he knew who the Ramones were and he gave me a look usually reserved for people who mispronounce fajita. I knew we'd get along well. Brian got me to participate in the 8th grade talent show as part of his band which was as yet unnamed and had no singer. I said that I would agree only if the completed the impossible task of getting another teacher in the band, because I didn't want to be the old guy out there by myself. Little did I know that he had gotten another teacher to make the same tentative deal with him just an Hour before, a frustrated lead guitarist\ computer teacher, named Mr. Moore. I fell for the oldest teenage trick in the book "Mom said it was okay." He'd told both of us that the other was in for sure, and so began our band.
I never realized how often I said the F word when practicing with my old band but it became very obvious that it was WAY more often than I did while teaching. Most all of my sentences came out as if I had a terrible stutter " Hey man pick up the Ffffff... Beat! And "Sorry that was me I fu fa fo oh ha ha my mistake." We were as bad as we were loud. The kids were novices and Mr. Moore and I were years out of practice but we sounded like a punk band. Their normal drummer had broken his wrist and was unable to play, so we had a girl named Angela play. Angela's philosophy was play hard and loud but never in time, which was kind of the groups motto as a whole. The band knew 2 songs, London Calling-the Clash and Brainstew-Green Day (pre AOR respectable pop punk elder statesmen) Like any good high school garage punk band would be they were self destructive. Teddy the absent injured drummer cut his cast off 3 days before the show so that he could drum with his bros and they kicked Angela out of the band. Teddy couldn't keep up with the time changes in London Calling so we switched to Brainstew the day before. OH SO PUNK!!! YEAH!
Having abused alcohol and being ADD I have a shit memory for lyrics (ask Kifer) so I did the Michael Stype\ Bob Dylan thing and taped the lyrics to my mic stand. PUNK!!! We were a hit and it brought me street cred for about 2 weeks it was fun but kind of embarrassing. I went on stage and sold the hell out of it, we were rocking so hard and sooo loud that for a line or two I got caught in the moment and forgot where I was. I looked out and saw a screaming audience, the speakers were ringing in my ears, my heart was an alligator tearing through my chest. I was playing to a huge packed house Rocking out and they were LOVING it!! Then I realized where I was and what I was doing and I remembered they were middle schoolers and had a similar reaction to a girl lip synching to Brittany Spears song and I thought to myself as the last chord crashed down over us like a crushing sonic wave "What a Douchebag."

Mail call

I'm really not feeling well so I'm afraid that today's posts are going to be sorrowfully short. If anyone would like a G-mail account please send me your E-mail address Sodajive@gmail.com and I'll pass one on it's really F-ing cool.
I'd like to thank those who have posted comments on the blog so far and I'd like to tell those who have visited before you no longer need membership to post so POST AWAY!!!
I'll try and put up an interesting link for you guys to play with while I'm recuperating so keep those comments coming.

You've heard of the MoMaThe Museum of Modern art? Now meet the MoBa...

I'm soo tired.

This long month of improv has finally drawn to a close. It started with the 24hr. Marathon, PAX in the middle, and then the Dirty South Improv festival in N.C. a whole lot of stuff for such a small month. I'm a little burnt out.

I really enjoy this whole blogging thing I think it's fun and by the response on the counter, "Mad at the World" is getting around a bit, but I don't really want to be classified as a blogger. There was this guy who was sitting in the front row of every performance at the DSIF last week with a lap top, not watching and enjoying the shows but blogging for 4 days straight. W.T.F.

"I like to sail but I never want to be known as a boating enthusiast. I'd like people to say 'He's a guy who likes to boat'." - Mitch Hedberg

Why the NBA sucks.

As many of you know and I have mentioned in previous blog entries I am a substitute teacher, just moments ago I was playing a game with the 8th. Grade LAZER math class. Upon his team winning the "Math Quiz Review game" one of the 8th grade boys stood up and shouted "Yeah, In your Face!" to the other groups. WHAT??? While this alone was stunning it only got worse.
While I myself have many times celebrated hollow victories for meaningless accomplishments quite passionately, I've never loarded it over others. I'm learning daily that I am becoming a moralistic anachronism. What happened to winning with grace and good sportsmanship? I don't believe in "It's not weather you win or loose, it's always better to win, but I also don't believe that you should tell someone they sucked. They know they sucked, they lost.
I docked his team a point for bad sportsmanship and he turned in to Ron Artest, a name I only know because the F-ing Detroit news stations went ape shit when he threw a temper tantrum at the Place. I told him that in Tennis you can forfeit a match for unsportsman like conduct. He said that he didn't care about tennis or my stupid game, I agree there I don't care about them either, but I do care about class and having some dignity in defeat as well as victory. No one would have deiafied Lou Gerig if instead of saying "Today I feel like the luckiest man in base ball." said "I'm the Iron man bitches! Number one baseball playing machine!" F- Dennis Rodmin & F- the NBA give me Larry Bird, Isaiah Thomas and Yogi Berra.

The Z list

I'm finally coming to grips with my very minor celebrity. Not so long a go I was having a drink with a friend at a local pub and was stopped mid sentence by one of the bus boys. Usually this is followed almost immediately by "Excuse me sir this is a family establishment please watch your language!" ,but this time was different. "Hey your that guy." This usually means I've been mistaken as one of the Barenaked Ladies "Dude you're hilarious." Thanks I replied, how do you know that? "Me and my buddy were up at Kickers ( the club below where my Tues. night group performs.) you're great. "Wow thanks a lot" is all I was able to get out, my friend and I were talking about how odd that was when... It happened again involving a different bus boy. Only this time it seemed a little more serious, like I was a little more famous he seemed hesitant to say anything yet only gave me a nod of the head and said "Joey's right?" ( The actual name of the Tues. Bar) "Yeah." "You're good" he said and walked off. "Jesus, it's just like fight club." and nothing more was said on the matter.
This had happened once before in High School when I was in a grocery store, someone's mother stopped me and asked, "aren't you the Yibba Dibba guy?" a reference to a performance of "If I were a rich man" in chorus. but that was ten years ago and in my hometown. These incidents are relatively small matters however, I went to a couple of parties around town, mainly involving members of the improv community, go to introduce myself and hear my name before I speak it. "Hey Marc, I'm..." "Joe Davis yeah I know!"
It may be a small deal to you dear reader but this is how Jesus started out and it's a little freaky, but cool.
I am a Z list Celebrity!

My "Hometown"

No wonder I'm a closeted homosexual with violent tendencies, I mean look where I grew up for Christ-sakes! You try it.

A lot less dirty than it sounds

I can't believe I'm typing this in a public library.

Hot wet pussy licking action!!

It's okay to open this at work.

Newsflash!

Being Poor SUCKS I know that this is not really news to anyone, but it's just been hitting me over the head a lot lately. I'm here in the Belleville public library which tends to be VERY public if you catch my drift. What a pain in the ass.
I'm back from LA. and it went VERY well however the future of the show is really uncertain. At the getting to know you lunch we found out that there wasn't an air date for season 2 yet. It's shot and in the can ready to go but the network isn't giving it any action. However if PAX doesn't pick it up my understanding is that they can shop it to other networks... Such as their new owners NBC. So now it's like I've got a lotto ticket it's either something or its nothing. Hopefully this'll pay off in spades and I'll be Joe Davis "luckiest boy on earth", but if not I got me a plane ride and a big Ol' fancy Hotel stay out of the deal.

We did a show out there at the ACME theatre as part of our "audition" basically it was to see if we could flex our improv muscles under pressure. They set up the show like it was World Cup (if you haven't seen it there is a link on my website under "now playing"). Two teams went head to head for 5 rounds and won based on the votes of the audience, then there was another two teams in the second half. The winners from the two halves competed in a final round of one scene each. Theirs was one of the best "Film Noir" scenes I've ever witnessed, I really thought it was in the bag for them. Then we countered with a "Bob Fosse scene about an after school job at a grocery, I pulled my calf muscle during that scene but we ended up on top, it was damn close. It was some of my best work. We worked together like old friends and we couldn't go wrong up there. So our team "Der Flanken Bitte"consisting of Will, Michelle, and myself took the day
The best part about being out there was that I met some really kick ass people Dan, Steve, Michelle, the Chrisses, Will, Josh, Dale, and Jack, and his pal Jim all very cool. So Kelsey, uh Mr. Grammer if you read this give us a shot at it.

Thank You!

Thanks to everyone who is helping to make my Blog an overwhelming success! I am actually receiving phone calls and E-mail demanding more content, HOORAY! Who knew that one boy could be so lucky.
My Hollywood photos will be up on the website soon along with a myriad of other content when I get some time. My computer is still down so thank you for you patience with the slow coming posts. The Middle school is invaluable in the blogging process. Here's something to keep you busy while I'm gone.

Dave Gorman

Wow what are the chances that Dave Gorman is an inspiration for so manny? It's pretty much an exclusively UK thing with Dave Gorman but he's avant guard enough for the hip kids in the US too here is someone else who has been inspired by Mr.Gorman.

Today's great Link!

This is the best blogg ever this is exactly what I should have done in college. It would have saved me a lot of aggrivation if I were able to vent to the free world about my obnoxious roommates. This way to I hate my Flatmate!

Joe Davis throughout History

Inspired by the incredible Dave Gorman and his amazing one man show "Are you Dave Gorman?" I decided to see if there were any other Joe Davis' running about. I knew that there was one living on Tireman St. in Detroit, because everytime I did a show in college I would write him a post card and ask him to come. As far as I know he never did, if he did he never said anything to me which is a little creepy.
So I googled myself one day (I was told this is called Ego surfing) and tried to see what I could come up with and was suprized to find that I am fairly common place. However few of us have ever really made it BIG so here the best of the best...

A Joe Davis Biography by Bradley Torreano (coincidently I know Brad and he never mentioned he wrote a review for a guy named JOE DAVIS you'd have thought he'd have said something.)

Performing with the Pinehurst Kids throughout the 90's, guitarist Joe Davis pic (he's in the middle) broke out on his own in 2001 to unveil his sensitive, acoustic side. Often recalling Elliot Smith with his delicate songs, Davis made an effort to set himself apart from his previous output and wrote and recorded Hope Chest later that year. Davis went on tour with his band again that fall, but they let him open the shows with his acoustic sets.

Joe Davis 1901-1978 pic
Joe Davis, world champion snooker player many times over, in 1927 he entered the first ever professional world snooker championship, held in Nottingham, and won. He then won the first world billiards championship in 1928, making it a double that made him a star at the age of 27. Over the next 20 years, barring a break for the war, he won the world snooker title on each occasion and for good measure bagged 10 world or UK billiards titles on the way. He received the OBE in 1963, had a waxen image in Madame Tussauds and drove a car with the number plate CUE 1. Joe Davis died in 1978 at the age of 77, one of snooker's greatest legends. His autobiography was called 'The Breaks came My Way'.

Joe Davis. Joe had been involved in the music/recording industry since the 1920s. He was a singer a pianist, a composer, a record producer, and ultimately a label owner. He owned and operated the Beacon, Jay-Dee, and Joe Davis labels. Among the artists he recorded were the Five Red Caps, Una Mae Carlisle, Savannah Churchill, Deryck Sampson, and many more. I can't find any photos of him yet but there is this

My weekend in review

This was one crazy assed weekend it started off with the 24 hr. improv festival for tsunami relief at the Improv Inferno while fighting strep throat, damn that was tiring, but hats off to my comrade Chris DeAngelo for doing all but an hour of the 24 + 3 more. He is the Ironman of Improv if he had one less nut he'd be Lance Armstrong and his pants would fit better. I did some of the best and worst scenes I've done all year during that stretch. Seamen-ville (just like it sounds) was one of the funniest things I've ever been a part of I wish I could describe it was amazing. In the 23rd hour I was the worst I've ever been on stage, playing a Hillbilly who'd gone blind from drinking comb sanatizer, and was hearing visions because he couldn't see them (unfortunately not as funny as it sounds). Then I watched the Super Bowl through the haze of an allergy attack next weekend off to LA. be sure check the website for photos!

If I was stoned and Iraqi...

No one loves to strike fear into our hearts more than our own beloved government, we've all seen the ads claiming that drug use is lined to kidnapping and terrorism in the middle east. I have never seen more shocking and damning evidence PROVING beyond a shadow of a doubt that is true!

Special thanks to mike jackson

This is what I mean

Here is the portion of Fear in Lothing I mentioned in the entry My day so far.

DR. BLUMQUIST

We must come to terms with the DrugCulture in the country...The reefer butt is called a "roach," because it resembles a cockroach...

GONZO

(whispers) What the fuck are these people talking about?You'd have to be crazy on acid to think a joint looked like a goddamn cockroach!

DUKE (V/O)

It was clear that we had stumbled into a prehistoric gathering.

DR. BLUMQUIST

Now, there are four states of being in the cannabis, or marijuana, society: Cool, Groovy, Hip, and Square. The square is seldom if ever cool. He is not "with it," that is, he doesn't know "what's happening." But if he manages to figure it out, he moves up a notch to "hip."

DUKE and GONZO listen in disbelief.

DR. BLUMQUIST (CONT'D)

And if he can bring himself to approve of what is happening, he becomes "groovy." After that, with much luck and perseverance, he can rise to the rank of "cool." A cool guy

My website

Please come visit my website it's in it's infant like stages but I'm proud of it! Not bad for a first timer.

My day so far...

I just spent an hour in a middle school, with a bunch of rude kids while a CD of s baby crying played for 30 mins straight, all before ten in the morning, I'm pretty this is how the Natzis tortured P.O.W.'s I don't get payed enough.

3rd Hour A guest speaker comes in and is lecturing the kids about Marijuana use. It quickly turns into a "How To" guide starring one of the most uptight people I've ever met. She runs down a huge list of nicknames for Marijuana, with some of the craziest most fucked up and strange "Nicknames" for pot. I've never heard these terms and I lived in Ypsi next to a drug trafficing store front and dealers in my parking lot. Even snoop Dogg wopuld be confused by what she was saying.
The wat she was running her presentation it seemed she was telling kids not what to look out for but what to ask for. She said When you go up to your local street dealer and ask for a blunt your not sure what your going to get."(not kidding) "A B-40 is a cigar wrapper filled with mary jane with a little cocaine sprinkled in it and the end is dipped in malt liquor." One kid asks "How do you grow your own?" and she tells him ! Kids were taking notes for Christ sakes! I was trying so hard not to laugh at one point I was coughing to cover up my laughter. I felt like I was going INSANE!
It was like that scene from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas where Duke and Gonzo are at the D.A.'s convention. God help me! Like I was saying... I don't get payed enough. 5:48 pm

Because my site could be better

There are a lot of websites out there that are a hell of a lot better than mine this is one of them for sure, even the name is better! This is one of the things I would do if I had my own computer . Matt is my oldest friend in good standing, not that he's old just our friendship is. He's a good guy and a great writer. His list (see above) reminds me a lot of something my pal Green Andy would do. I visit both Matthewtobey.com and Greenandy.com whenever I have web access.

Mr.Saturday Night

For the first time in over 10 yrs and outside high school I got up onstage and did my own stand-up material. It was both terrifying and exciting like spinning out in a parking lot fueled by gin and a "What have I got to lose attitude?" I got up there and did it for a crowd of twenty or so and they loved it. Nothing boosts a young, well okay not young, boy's confidence like being a success right out of the gate. Stand up is the most terrifying thing I can think of and I managed to give it the old smack down!
In stand up YOU are the product if they don't laugh they're not laughing at you, you are not funny. If they do laugh, whoa boy! I've heard that making someone laugh is a very aggressive act, eliciting a reaction from someone against their will, and I can defiantly see that.
Now granted I did something like 3 min. but I told one that hit one that missed and I felt great, so I'm counting the evening a success.

As I get older

I'm in a house party filled with drunks and I'm sober. Getting completely blotto and chasing skirts some how looses it's appeal the older I get. In my line of work getting strangers to like you is par for the course. However it somehow loses it's novelty with my advancing age. I used to be mom and take care of the drunks hold hair and such but now the feeling is... grow up. Not that I haven't been in that position as recently as last month, vomiting in a friends toilet,and making an ass out of myself, but even then as I was hurling the contents of my stomach and scorching my throat I thought "What an Asshole."

If only I'd kept up with the piano...

Ever wonder what your life would be like if you'd made that catch for the big game? One man has and is willing to map it out in detail .So cleaver I wish I'd thought of it.

Bad Press

Yesterday I told my girlfriend that I had started a blog."Why would you want to start one of those?"she asked people put the most personal stuff on those, it's like an online diary that total strangers can read." (not a direct quote I'm paraphrasing) While revealing embarrassing personal stories and facts is not my intent, "Chubby kid" (1-25) just kind of slipped out, I don't intend to edit for content. If it's up it's gonna stay up unless it gets to the point where I'll be sued, that just makes sense. So I mulled over why she might be upset with me over starting a blog. It's then that I realized that she's worried about bad press. That I might say something negative and people, whom she's never met would perceive her in a bad light. Makes sense I guess, but that is not my intent.

When hidden Camera Shows attack!

I dont know who thought of it but whomever they are they are brilliant they found a way to boil down America's Funniest Home videos to it's most pure form heroin doesn't feel this good.

http//:www.channel101.com/shows.php?show_id=5

The Chubby Kid

All my life I've been the "chubby kid". Not the fat kid, the chubby kid fat enough for others to make fun of you some of the time, if they were strapped for something else to say. They wouldn't lead with "Hey Fat Ass!" but it was an old stand by. Don't get me wrong there were fat kids in my school there was "the Fat Kid" (male) and "Trina Bubble" (female) and I was glad I wasn't them, kids didn't even get to know them enough to even trash them well. there was the imediate quick on the draw "Your fat!" put down. While "Your fat!" is harmful it is hardly scathing, not like the girl that everyone had said put a hot dog in her vagina which had broken off and had to be removed by emergency room doctors. Now that will follow you and create havoc in your life untill your premature death at your own hands,(not that that is what happend to her ...yet)but you get where I'm comming from.

So recently in an attempt to fit a certain "type" for an audition I started dieting, it's nice to take an active roll in looking better, however even after losing 30 lbs.,the Healthy Choice seem to scream from the cart "Hey look it's the chubby kid!" Then thejerks from my elementary school will pour over the isles and say, "Why ya tryin' ta be like us fatty? You'll never be like us!" and I'm almost 30.

Yet another angry white man!

I'm white I'm angry and I have a voice on the internet! Look out world I have nothing to say and a forum to say it it's just like AM radio.